Principle VS Feelings

Well when it comes to my principle and my feelings are in a middle of a race, I am just confused who should I name as the winner.

The story is like this. I have been having this feeling towards a certain someone a very long time ago. But I have this principle of not going with it since it will cause a very bad consequence. Well it will kind of ruined my life all together. I have been preaching that it's a bad thing for quite some time and yet this feeling is telling me the opposite.

I used to be successfully putting this feeling aside because I was distracted. And yet, lately I have lost my distraction and now I realized that the distraction is not strong anymore, in fact it is the main reason drawing me closer to this person that I am not suppose to have feeling with.

I am trying my best to somehow thinking bout his negative side to fight with this feeling and yet I always ends up loosing. The attraction is so powerful and I do not know how to handle it anymore. I was so lucky at one point I was saved by living in denial with this attraction because he kind of proposing the idea of having something between us and I  didn't get it and pointing the conversation to a whole different direction. I only realized that he was proposing the idea until I saw his reaction with my respond to his question. Well, part of me I wish that he will propose the idea again and yet the other part of me really hope that he gives up with us and never proposing it again because it's a bad thing.

I still think that the whole relationship is a bad idea. How to overcome this feeling??? I need a new distraction because the old one is useless. Where can I find a new one? I need it fast!

Crazy little thing called love

I have a lot of male close friend...........some of them are married and I even know their wife. I just feel comfortable being friend with men because somehow most of my jokes are kind of "manly" and not many women will understand.

I can list all of them up, like Rezza who used to work in Protank, Pian, Hardi, then there's Daus from Matrikulasi in Tangkak and also from UTM like Abu and the rest. I also have a couple of friend here in ABB like Adly, Shahariman and all........



Anyway, perempuan ni cepat perasan. I always share my feelings and thoughts with them and pernah la at one point I felt like some of them had feelings towards me. But then now dah tua I am mature enough to understand that it's just plain friendship.


I still remember the feeling of "perasaan" that I had towards these friends.........it's different. It felt like puppy love and it came right after we get close (like after 1-2 months being friends), and after that the feelings kind of gone missing. Everything get back to normal

But then. now I have this friend. We've been friend for almost a year. I think that he is the closest of them all because he knows my "deepest darkest" secret and he accepts me as it is. I used to had a crush on him but I have got over it since he has a very weird view of a woman and sometimes he an ass! Nevertheless, lately, there are times when we had a conversation, and I kinda "perasan je lebih" that we are "staring" at each others eyes very deeply as in we care about each other.

Our first staring session occur a very long time ago where he ends up with a question "u pakai contact lense ke" which I had been made to understand that he was just admiring my eyes and not related to any feelings at all.

Then the second session was when he gave me a lecture on "you need to change your attitude in order to get a boyfriend". He was about to share what he was lecturing me about with a colleague, when there's this other guy walk in to the location and then, my friend stares deep into my eyes and getting the message from me that "no, don't share it with him, this conversation is private between us".

Our third staring session is two days ago, we were talking and he stared at me, I was also staring at him, and at the beginning of posting this blog I was very sure that there were feelings involved during this third session. But, by now, I kind of have come to realize that he was staring at me because he was just making sure that he had told me everything and no other important details that he had accidentally left out.

Hence, I can conclude this post with, sebenarnya tak ada apa-apa pun.....I je yang perasan...........Wakakakakak!

First time receiving a New Year's card!

I have never received any greetings card besides "kad raya" my entire life! Today, on the 20th of December 2011........I received a new year's greeting card!!!

It's kinda ugly and not interesting at all but since it's the first card I have ever received I kind of appreciate it.

Furthermore, this card has been sent from an extremely good looking man all the way from Switzerland! He's married though! Darn.........

But it's awsome tht he remembers me! I kind of felt guilty for not sending him any Christmas greetings card. Nevertheless, my father advised me to give him something during my visit to Switzerland........but tak tau nak kasi apa kt Mat Salleh tu ea?

Anyhow, something funny bout this card is that there is a greeting within the card in a language I don't even know what. Fortunately there's a translation underneath it. The thing is, when the greeting is in tht language, it is a very long speech....However, when it is translated in english..........tinggal one short line je.........pelik? Hurm.......

I am extremely happy to receive this card and I can't wait to receive any other greetings card from any of my principal from all over the world!

I wish that the real life is as easy as Facebook

Do you notice how facebook is making relationship between human being much more easier?

If you want to say "hi" to someone and not saying it, just poke them. You also do not have to actually hurt that person by actually poking them. Isn't that awsome??

Back then when you want to declare your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you must sit and talk to them and the boyfriend will actually propose and mentioned the word "will you be my girlfriend?". Then the girl would answer yes and this will happen face to face. Nowadays, with the help of facebook, just request for a change on your status, then if the girl accept it, your friends and her friend will know that both of you are in a relationship..........it's tht easy! If the girl decides to say "no", then she just have to reject it and she won't directly humiliate the guy........

Wanna know why am I talking bout facebook?

Well I have this friend that I really wish I can unfriend easily just by clicking an icon, just like in facebook.

Of course I can literally click unfriend on tht person name on facebook right now, but, the real life relationship will be ruined too. The thing is, it's not like I want to create an issue with that person or anything. I just wish I can unfriend that person and resume my life like that person had never existed. It's kinda mean, but I personally prefer it to be that way. I have tried the real life way by creating a gap, but then it created a speculation like I have some issue with that person when actually I don't.

I just think that I have been living my life for 24 years without that person and I want to continue it to be that way. I don't want anybody to come to me and say that I am mean or something. I am not!

I have never ended a friendship before, this is the first time I made a decision to end one. (Although someone had ended her relationship with me, but I was not the one who initiate the idea, so I still consider that this is the first time). This decision was not made as a punishment to anyone. I just think it's better this way.

I really wish that our life will resume like it used to be when we didn't know each other.

I don't want to hate tht person and tht person should not hate me too since we "don't know each other". I just want to act natural and still put on a smile when we walk pass by each other, but I don't want to spend time like we use to............

Life would be much easier if it's exactly like facebook........

Late night love song

I was driving back from work and I decided to tune in to Red fm for some late night love song.

As I was approaching my house, they played this song:

As I was listening to it, I was thinking that each and every single words from this song is so true.

We should never keep inside any kind of feeling we have towards a certain someone. I should've told him before he left.

For once, I thought that I might have gotten over him. This song remind me of him and the feeling I am having right now.

I bet this is the reason I have been very emotional lately....it's because "I miss everything about him"...

I can't look at him walking down the hall to his cubicle anymore..........no more curi2 tengok while hanging out at a friend's cubicle. Well, I have to move on........I really wish I don't have to find a new job again...... penat la tiap2 tahun pindah......... hurm.......

Cetusan hati dan dedikasi *ouch*

Hello! I am just seeking for advise...

These couple of days, I've been feeling empty. I have lost focus at work and I have been screwing up so bad. There are thing's I have under quoted thousands of ringgit.

To tell you the truth, I have lost my passion at work. Is this a sign?

I have worked in my previous company for 8 months and then I started looking for another job. Now, after six months here, I started to feel empty just like what I felt in the old company.

The last time I get bored, I decided to update my resume and pass it around. Then, I landed on my current job.

Like what I have repeatedly mentioned in the previous posts, even my current boss initially hesitated to hire me since he thinks that I have the potential to jump around so soon.

I've tried to convince him that I won't.

But this last couple of months, I been paying attention on emails sent by Lina from Jobstreet.

I feel bored with my current job and I think I have figured out that this is not what I want to be.

I used to be a proposal engineer in the previous company. Then I moved to this company thinking that I might be better off as a sales person because proposal engineer is so boring. Nevertheless, now I feel bored. I have realized that this is not what I want to be.

I can't figure out what I want in my life, but I am pretty sure I don't have any passion in what I am doing right now. I hate electrical subject since secondary school. But I am selling electrical stuff now. What is wrong with me???

I can't move to a new company again. It will ruin my resume altogether. What should I do now? Should I talk to my boss? I believe he has no intention of loosing me yet, because then, he will have to train the new people. But the thing is, I have no passion in my work anymore. I feel empty inside.

What if I go and have a long holiday? Will that help in a way? I don't know......

Can someone shed me some light and show me the right path?

Love-hate relationship

It's hard to have my boss as my best friend! Well hell yeah! I consider my boss as my best friend. He knows me so much to the extend of he knows me better than my parents.

Well,when he puts on his "boss" hat, I feel like nak picit dia sampai keluar tahi hijau! He's one of those annoying boss yg suruh i buat benda merepek mcm secretary and sometimes let me loose like a headless chicken to sort out big issue (to me it's big lah).

But when he puts on his best friend hat, we will have so much fun talking sampai sometimes i wish tak yah balik rumah, just lepak je dgn dia cerita sana sini. He understand me and from what ever he says about himself i think we are so alike.

Today he asked me to get a real boyfriend! He even allows me to do it during office hour...hehe...he puts it as while I am out doing sales I should meet ppl to get a boyfriend. Then i told him why I don't have one. It's because men are intimidated by my "over confident" attitude and my huge ego. Then he asked me to change lah my attitude. But I said I can't.

But when he used himself as an example, I can't help but agree that he has changed. This is based on a colleague's observation la...I pun tak tau dulu dia mcm mana.

Anyhow, he managed to make me think la...tapi mmg susah to change my attitude sbb I believe this is why he hires me at the first place.Tapi betul la wht my boss says, I need to think about my life and kene cari boyfriend and settle down someday. I have a good feeling about this sbb selalu nya apa dia cakap mesti I will automatically ikut...hoho...so I might change my attitude and try to be more girlish and loose the ego.

How to change myself pun I tak tau lagi.So, lama lagi la baru I dapat boyfriend. Hehe....